Only in Chesterton...

...Can you read these headlines:

Woman's Purse ALMOST Stolen

Work Continues on Sinkhole

170 Bikes Collected in Bike Drive

Sparkler Ignites Bush in Town

GPS Taken Out of UNLOCKED Car

Community Warning: Middle Aged Man Posing as Police, Pulls Over Boy on Bike

Solar Powered Light Stolen...

...(following day) Solar Powered Light Returned

Elderly Man Takes Picture With Cell Phone of Woman's Backside

Dog Attempts to Bite Boy

Ode to a Bird

Witnessed today on US Highway 49

At approximately 4:28 pm, in the north bound lane, a Ford Escape struck and killed an oncoming bird. The driver operating the vehicle, named Lori LaBate, and the passenger, Nicole E. LaBate of Chesterton, said that the bird came from the west at unusually high flying speed. It flew into and struck the antenna of the vehicle. The bird was pronounced dead upon impact and was found 25 feet from the accident scene. The occupants of the vehicle suffered no visible injuries, although Miss Nicole LaBate seems to have went into shock. She was seen frantically pulling at the steering wheel and trying to persuade her mother to back up and make sure the bird was really dead. She says she can still hear the thud of the bird against the antenna and is afraid she will need therapy to get the images and sounds from her mind. Services will be held over in the meadow by an officiating robin.

Seen and Heard

As of Monday, March 16, 2009, at approximately 4:13 p.m., the college bill of Nicole E. LaBate, of Chesterton, IN, has been paid in full. It was a sizable amount which was forever heavy upon the heart of its recipient. Nicole is now happy to say that she has a zero balance on her college invoice. She was seen skipping from the business office and singing, Hakuna Matata very loudly and off key. Pedestrians were warned to steer clear of a green Ford Tauras as Nicole was seen recklessly driving home. This epidemic is said to be expected of any poor college student who has made their last payment on their bill. Nicole is expected to be aquiring a new wardrobe now that her tuition is paid for...